Friday, June 3, 2011

Did this really happen?

I was hoping that I would wake up today and realize that I had just had a nightmare.

I still cannot believe what happened to me yesterday.

The funny part or maybe the sad part is that I should be used to this by now, I grew up this way.

Yesterday my mother called me to her house to come help her out with what was going on with my sister.

We were basically doing an intervention on my sister who we thought was in a verbally abusive relationship. After talking to her for hours she finally saw it and decided she was going to break up with the guy. My mom was crying because she was so happy.

Then my father calls my mom outside where he was, all of a sudden I hear my mom screaming "David no, no, no, calm down" then my father storms into the living room and yells to my sister "you are calling your boyfriend right now and breaking up with him and if I catches him around this neighborhood ever again I will beat the shit out of him" by this point he is just out of control so I tell him to calm down. He tells me to mind my own effing business then he turns to my sister and tells her "if you ever talk to him again I will personally beat the shit out of you" by this point I do not even know what came over me. I laughed at him and told him "no you won't" he tells me to say it again and this time I tell him "you will not touch my effing sister".

The look on his face I will never forget, I have never seen a scarier face in my life. He launched at me with his hands in such a way I knew he wanted to choke me. I know for a fact had my sister and mom not been there, he might have killed me. He was wearing greasy gloves so you could see that he tried to choke me but missed by not too much. Then he proceeded to punch me and got me on the corner of my left eye and by my temple. By this time I managed to kick him in the gut which then cause him to trip and fall on top of my precious baby. From that moment on all I remember is me trying to grab a phone to call 911 but my mother was taking the phone out of my hand. I kept on screaming to my brother to call 911 and no one would.

I have NEVER in my life been more scared then yesterday. My sister immediately called my husband the second she was able to get the phone from my mom. We were all a mess and my husband couldn't understand.

I was beyond livid, everyone is crying by this point. I pick up my stuff and my child and try to leave. My poor sister is screaming to me to please not leave her there cause she is scared of what might happen to her. I wait for her and as we are about to walk out my mom says " come on guys don't leave until you are done crying I don't want the neighbors seeing this". I leave and my father is outside working on the car like nothing ever happened.

As I start to drive I realize I was shaking too much to drive I pull over and call my husband and let him know what happened. He immediately leaves work and comes to get me.

While waiting for my husband my sister tells me how she thought he was going to kill me. She said when he came at me to choke me she tried pushing his hands away which is probably what caused him to miss my neck. She then jumps on top of me but wasn't able to cover my face so that's when he punched me twice on my face. She said by this point she was so pissed she herself tried to choke him and pushed him along with me kicking him he went down. My poor mom was trying to push him away from all of us and in the process she got kicked on one of her ribs.

My husband finally comes and him and his sister wanted me to file charges I wanted to really bad but I just kept on thinking about my mom. I cannot do that to her. Not at this point. My husband decided he was going to go talk to my father. When we get there I figured I needed to go in cause I wanted to confront this sorry excuse of a man.

We go in and he is on the computer like nothing ever happened. What the hell? Jon got so pissed he told my dad that this was the last time he will ever touch me, my siblings or my mother cause next time he will beat the shit out of him. Then that dumb ass man says to my husband "don't talk to me that way" yeah my husband was ready to go after my father. I think God is very merciful because something came over my husband and made him realize that he was worth going to prison over. My father tried to make excuses for it but we told him there is no excuse for doing this. You never touch a child. I said many things to him. The one thing that probably hurt him the most was when I told him that the one person he hates the most who happens to be his father is the one person he has become. I thought he was going to come after me again. I was able to tell him many things that I have been wanting to tell him for years. The whole time we were at his house talking to him he denied hitting me yesterday, I am beyond shocked.

The reason I said I should be used to this is because from the time I was 12 years old I started to be physically and verbally abused on the regular. At 12 I was punched in the face by him to the point that both me and my brother who was also punched in the face had bruises for days and my mother would not let us go out and kept ices on it all the time. After that is was just constant. I remember having to pull my pants down many times for him to whip me with a belt over and over. I was told I was fat constantly, that I was so dumb for not doing better in school and on and on. As I got older I saw him lose his temper all the time. Family home evenings to me are traumatizing every single Monday someone always without a doubt would get beat with the belt. He threaten abuse more times than I can count or remember. I do remember one time I was 19 and asked for permission to go out to see fireworks and be home by 10pm and because of that he threaten to beat me, then he threw a phone at me and started to come at me so I left the house and had my boyfriend at the time come pick me up and I had to stay out all night cause I was scared for my life.

This has just been most of my life. Everyone is scared of that monster! No one will ever stand up for themselves except for me now. He has gotten away with all of this for way too long and I have had it enough. I will not sit here and watch him cause my brothers or sister and my mother anymore trauma.

He is a sorry excuse for a human being. He needs mental help but he refuses to get it. I am giving him till next week to go talk to his bishop before I call him. He should not have a temple recommend or a calling.

All along my family has painted this perfect little family and everything is hush hush, don't tell anyone anything or else, this is no ones business but our families. My mom is so worried about what people are going to think.

Well her little perfect world came crushing down yesterday. I am done with the hush hush. I want the world to know what type of dysfunctional home I grew up in. I want the world to know that the person I call my father is an abuser. He puts my husband and I down all the time because we are not active in the church right now. Well hello! It sure didn't help him. He goes to the temple on the regular, he has a calling, he goes to church every Sunday, he reads his scriptures and does family prayer every night and guess what he is still an evil human being. So he can kiss my ass because none of that will help you be a better person obviously.

He took it to himself to ruin this family. I was willing to forgive him for the past stuff but at this point I am beyond forgiving him. He will be out of my life for a very long time. I cannot afford to have him in my life or my child's life.


Amanda Fawn said...

I read this and I am sending you a personal are courageous and I love you.

Matthew said...

Wow! Laura, I dont even know what to say to you about this. I'm so sorry that you would have to be put in this situation, and Bently as well... I've had some drama but nothing like this. Jon is a stud for going back and standing with you, I dont know if I would of had enough strength to not throw him a beat down. To me that is the worst kind of disrespect, and he deserves to see it from the other side. If you need anything you can calls us anytime. Anne wants you to come exersize anyway.......Thoughts and prayers.....your friends, the Robinson's

The Ericksons said...

I came to your blog from MMB. I also grew up in a very dysfunctional family with everything kept very "hush hush." Heaven forbid the neighbors or the ward ever find out what actually was going on in our house! I can't tell you how many of my friends would say, "Your mom is SO nice" and I wanted to scream, "You have NO idea what my mom is REALLY like!" I finally cut ties with my parents about 6 years ago. It was difficult, but it was absolutely the right thing for me. Remember that Heavenly Father loves you and knows the truth. You are in my thoughts and prayers.