Remembering

***This is just mainly for me as a way of getting everything of my chest***

With this happening everything that I have bottled up inside for so many years is just coming up. This is why I cannot sleep. I just have all sorts of things racing in my mind.

So he once went out and bought a special belt to whip us with. This belt was made of leather and it was thick and wide. Whenever we had family home evenings he would bring the belt out and have it right next to him. What a sick person to do that. If we dared question anything that he has said about "gospel doctrine" we would get beat. I quickly learned not to question anything that was ever said and just keep my thought or questions to myself. My one brother however didn't get it or maybe he was so used to getting beat that he just wanted to piss him off cause every single Monday he would question my father about things he had said. I also remember getting whipped with the belt because we would do family prayer and everyone had to say a prayer, well with 6 of us in total it went on for ever so someone would always fall asleep and that would make him so mad he would take the belt out. I am remembering one time in particular while doing family home evening, he had just hit one of us, he was reading some bible verse where is says about hitting your children or something and I questioned it. Even back then I remember thinking that a loving God would not allow this type of behavior. Well he went off the handle because how dare us question him right?

Every time he would do something to any of us he would always use scriptures to make it seem okay. That to me is an evil, evil man.

I just cannot believe all this time he has made himself look like he was such a God fearing man. Yeah right, I now know the truth and God has known the truth all along.

Oh, oh wait and he always blamed that everything always goes wrong in our family because we were doing incorrect things, hahahaha.

There are so many things that now look fishy to me too. Like why is it that when he was making $6000 a month it was not enough. I am hearing things from different people that lead me to believe my father might have had other women and possibly had a child with one.

I have decided that if he ever wants to have a relationship with me the first thing he will have to do is take a lie detector test. I want the truth of everything to come out.

No matter how much money he makes it is never enough. Also why is it that he doesn't want to get a Utah phone number. He is willing to drive all the way to Idaho or Nevada to get his phone bill figured out because those are the only places that have his carrier. Just so weird....

The truth of everything will come out eventually and my mother will see who she is really married to.