Memories

I have been having tons of dreams. Scary ones. Like my father is trying to kill me in them. Yeah not fun at all.

Also I am having tons of memories coming back. I remember so many things now from my childhood. Its super weird.

I know for a fact that the abuse started at least when I was 3 maybe younger. I know this because my father at times has bragged about how when I was 3 he once took me to the church bathroom and slapped me on my naked bottom because I would not sit still through sacrament at church. Then he said he told me to stop crying or else. I am so serious that he bragged about this so many times.

I now know too that around that same time my one uncle threatened my father that if he didn't stop beating us he was going to call the Costa Rican version of CPS. After that my father stopped all communication with my uncle and hated him. My aunts have also said that my father would beat us and lock us in our rooms. Mind you my father left Costa Rica by the time I was 5 so any of this for sure happened before then.

At the age of 5 right before he left for the States he was taking me to school. He was riding his bike and I was sitting in the middle bar. For some reason my foot got stuck on the spokes of the wheel so we both fell and I was pretty hurt. All he did was yell at me over and over for putting my foot there and asking if I was dumb. I wanted to go back home but he wouldn't let me cause he was running late for work, he said. I remember crying the whole way to school.

I also now remember a beating my brother got during family home evening for not answering a question right. He told my brother to sit up and then he beat him for what seemed forever and no one was doing anything so I finally jumped on top of my brother so that he wouldn't get hit anymore. Then finally my mother told him to stop. That was when he was between 12-14. At 16 my father beat my brother so bad he actually peed himself and then my mother had the nerve to come up to my brothers room afterwards and tell my brother that it was his fault and not to piss my father off. What?

When I was 20 for a 4th of July I asked if I could go watch the fireworks with my boyfriend and that I would be home by 10pm. Since we were not doing anything that evening as a family I figured there would be no problem. My father said no. I could not believe it and asked for an explanation I was just told no so I again asked for permission and by this time he flipped. He was in the basement and I had left my phone there he grabbed it and threw the phone at my face. Then he came running up the stairs and by then I was super scared. He opened the door and asked me to leave his house but my mom is telling me not to leave. I tell him if I am leaving I can let myself out so he closes the door. I go open the door and go to leave and he pushed me down the stairs, outside of our house.

That's just to name a few of the memories I am having.

I am writing all of this down because I really want people to really know the type of monster he really is. Not only that but everything I say is being denied and I want to have this hear for prove later on that these things really did happen.