Sunday, December 18, 2011


Before I forget I have to post this funny story that happened while on our way to California for Thanksgiving.

Before telling you the story I have to tell you that after having a child I am no longer embarrassed of being seen naked, most of the time.

We always stop in Vegas to eat at our favorite Korean restaurant but this time I really had to go pee right as we got off the highway. Like I could not hold it in anymore. So we get off and stop at In-n-Out, I take Baby with me. The bathroom is full so we wait finally get our turn. We go in the stall and as I am in the middle of peeing Baby opens the door completely for everyone in the bathroom to see me peeing and naked. I immediately yell and tell him to close the door but he thought it was too funny and wouldn't close. So now I have to stand up and close it so of course everyone in their mother had to see me naked. Oh and I was in the handicap stall so I actually ha to walk to close the stall.

I was so embarrassed! One person at a time seeing me naked no problem, about 10? Yeah that is too much for me to handle. I had to wait till everyone left the bathroom till I came out and ran as fast as I could out of that place. First time in at least 7 years I have been so embarrassed but it's a funny memory that I wanted to write down and laugh about later on in life.

Friday, December 16, 2011


Well that didn't go as expected. I should have known. It is all about appearances and therefore making any and all excuses possible. So sad sometimes I give people more credit than they deserved.

Yes, I will forgive you.

No, I will not forget.

No, I will not move on and have a relationship until you take accountability for your actions.

So sad. I think I am the only mature and grown person around here and that says a lot cause I never thought of myself as those words.

Such I my life.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

My mood

I have been in such a horrible mood today. I woke up and after clearly having too much time to think this morning I started to have a self pitty party. My day just spiraled out of control after that. Baby has been having some rough moments lately and have just been making me feel like a bad mother.

Thank goodness I have a pretty amazing cousin who will watch Baby whenever.

So I left him there while I went to work to and then on my way to work I had way too much time again to think and got super depressed and sad. I sometimes feel like I give so much of myself to people and for nothing. I shouldn't care but it does bother sometimes especially on days like today.

I have been having such good days I really need to do something to make sure I never have days like today.

I think part of the reason for my crappy day is that my father has asked to talk to me about a moth ago and tomorrow is the day it's all going down at my therapist office. I am super stressed and anxious about this. I do not know what to expect since I have heard that he is back to his old ways with my siblings so who knows what he wants. I will find out soon enough.

I have written a letter that I will read to him with everything I want to say but as of recently there are more things I want answers to. Will I ever get the answers probably no which makes me kinda sad.

Just today as I am crying I tell my husband that all I ever wanted was a father-daughter relationship with him and I did everything possible to have it but he clearly didn't want that. I just really wanted a normal relationship with both of my parents but I guess that was not in my cards. Gosh dang it and it makes me so mad!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Weight watchers

I have never been on a diet where I have been able to maintain my weight loss.

I got down to the weight I wanted to get to before Thanksgiving and I thought for sure on our trip to California I would gain some of it but I didn't. I didn't follow it completely but I did watch my portions except for Thanksgiving dinner. Since getting back home I have gone back on weight watchers maintains and have been able to keep it off while still eating a lot of the things I love to eat around this time of year. Honestly eat diet out there.

I am sure I will be up a few pounds after our Christmas holiday but that's normal.

My little man

Since birth we have been doing the whole attached parenting thing with Baby. I am so glad that we chose to do this.

It is a really hard thing to do but I personally have enjoyed it. My husband might say otherwise but he supports me in the way I believe my child needs to be raised.

One of the things we have done since Baby was born is co-sleeping. People think we are crazy for doing this but the beauty of life is that I get to make my own choices with my child. I love nothing more than getting to cuddle my baby and waking up with him right next to me. He does have his own bed which we have had for over a year but has never used it.

The other day I rearranged his room, got rid of toys and so now there's tons of space in the room. So I put the Christmas tree up in his room. Since putting the tree in there he will go lay on his bed and put on a Christmas movie. Tonight though he fell asleep there while I was wrapping gifts. He has now been asleep on his bed for over 3 hours.

I don't even know what to do with myself. I have been trying to avoid having to go to sleep without my little man. I am curious though to see how long he will actually last in his room.

P.S. the last post was all Baby. He is too smart and has figured out how to get on my blog.

Thursday, December 8, 2011