Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Law school widow


This is the first thing I heard when we decided law school it was and I looked online to see what to expect so to say I was slightly worried was an understatement, I was full on worried about what was waiting for me.

I knew I would not be seeing Jon as much as I was used to running a pizza store together and all but I was excited nonetheless with the prospect of my husband getting through this and us at some point being able to be somewhat financially stable and by some point I meant a long time from now but that's how things in life work. Nothing worth going for is easy a fast.

Now that I have been here for 4 months I can attest to the fact that this is not for the faint of heart and to top it all off we are doing it with a 4 year old. Honestly at times I think we are completely insane for doing this but some day I will look back and think differently and laugh, hopefully.

We are living in a HUGE city where people are not friendly. I get it trust me everyone has a life to live and is so busy with work, raising kids and what nots so making friends or hanging out with people is not that important.

I wasn't aware of the fact that most people are not crazy like us and are not married let alone have children so yeah we look pretty weird being married and having a child. Most people here are also super young like 25 and younger which makes it hard for me to relate.

This had left me feeling super lonely and a bit crazy.

Imagine being with your child 24/7 every single day for 4 months and not getting a break. Yeah that wears on you. I love my child and all but oh good Lord it is quite something. Jon and I in those 4 months have had only 2 dates and a few hours where he got to go out of our apartment with us. So I am pretty much on my own out here.

My only haven is the fact the we go down to his families on the weekends and I get to actually talk to adults and they talk back to me and care about what I have to say, if it weren't for that I would be completely insane by now.

I think I was spoiled in my little Utah bubble that I had created and I know that it took me a long time to create so that could happen here but I had my family close by, my cousin who is also my best friend just a few minutes away. I had really good friends just a few blocks away and good neighbors that liked me and talked to me. If I was ever in need of anything I just send a text and within minutes someone was at my house, I miss that so much.

I miss Bentley having friends to play with on a weekly sometimes daily basis, I miss my mom coming over to clean and cook for me, I miss getting hugs from her, I miss my brothers coming over all the time for me to feed them or for a chat or to sleep over and play with Bentley, I miss knowing where everything is, I kinda miss hearing the cows and dogs barking at night, I just really miss a lot but that is no longer my life and so I need to move on but some days are hard being out here on our own with no one to talk to.

The hardest part of law school so far has been feeling lonely.

Well with that said I am hoping next semester will improve for Bentley and I. Maybe by the grace of God we can find some friends here or something.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

The people of Los Angeles

Honestly I have never met such unfriendly people.

Don't get me wrong I have found some friendly people who will talk to me but for the most part people are not friendly.

In Utah if I was out and I smiled at a mom they normally would try to make small talk, not here. They look at you like you are crazy or something. Even the mormon moms, trust me I can spot them from a mile away and I know they don't think I'm LDS because I don't look like it I am sure but hot dang why are people so unfriendly here?

I am used to smiling at people and that is not going to change people I love people, I love smiling at random people and making them feel good because when someone smiles at me it makes me feel good and I want to do that to people.

The other day at the park I finally had a mom talk to me and be nice and she has been living in LA for 10 years and told me not to expect too much. She said people here are not out to make friends plus they like to stick to their own groups. She told me at her son's school she asked a mom about getting their kids together for a playdate and the mom told her "no, thanks" she was shocked. I was shocked as she was telling me this.

Oh and whatever happened to teaching your children to be nice to others? Because I guess parents are forgetting to teach their children that. I've had kids punch Bentley, push him, ignore him, tell him to go away, scratch him and tell him they don't want to play with him. Really? Not that I am a great parent but that stuff would not fly with me at all and Bentley knows that. We treat other people how we would want to be treated.

The other day while at the park Bentley wanted to play with a group of kids that were already playing they told him no and ignored him which broke my heart but what can you do as a mom. A mom (the one that talked to me) went and told her son if Bentley doesn't play neither does he so the other boys let Bentley join them. After a while of playing Bentley and one little boy started talking and running and were playing really good together. They went by the swing and here come big old meanie pants and pushes Bentley away and pokes him, well I am mama Bear to a tee and I lost it. I yelled at this boy to never lay a finger on my son again and how dare him think that its ok to push someone else. I probably made a full of myself cause I kept going on and on about how he was a mean, rude little boy who was never going to have friends, anyways......DO NOT mess with my boy or else you will have to deal with my wrath. Mind you I was loud enough that whoever this little boys parents were for sure heard me but don't think for a second that any parent got up to see what was going on or said anything.

Now I understand why there is so much prostitution, drugs and gang activity going on in this city because children are raising themselves. There is no one there to correct them or lead them anywhere. Parents here in Koreatown do not care about their children and it's really sad to say thing because I am hispanic but all of the children I witness that are like this are hispanic. Where are the good hispanic moms? Probably not living here but man it's so sad to see this type of behavior I used to think us hispanics were different.

After this weekend I have realized that there is no way in Hell this boy of mine is going to public school. He will get beat up on the daily just because he is an easy target because of how sweet and tender he is and I am not ready to have his little spirit be tore down just yet. After a day of him crying to me and asking me why people are mean and don't like him I have had to tell him that if someone is mean and treats him bad in any way he should respond in a mean way because clearly that's the only way these children survive here.