Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Law school widow


This is the first thing I heard when we decided law school it was and I looked online to see what to expect so to say I was slightly worried was an understatement, I was full on worried about what was waiting for me.

I knew I would not be seeing Jon as much as I was used to running a pizza store together and all but I was excited nonetheless with the prospect of my husband getting through this and us at some point being able to be somewhat financially stable and by some point I meant a long time from now but that's how things in life work. Nothing worth going for is easy a fast.

Now that I have been here for 4 months I can attest to the fact that this is not for the faint of heart and to top it all off we are doing it with a 4 year old. Honestly at times I think we are completely insane for doing this but some day I will look back and think differently and laugh, hopefully.

We are living in a HUGE city where people are not friendly. I get it trust me everyone has a life to live and is so busy with work, raising kids and what nots so making friends or hanging out with people is not that important.

I wasn't aware of the fact that most people are not crazy like us and are not married let alone have children so yeah we look pretty weird being married and having a child. Most people here are also super young like 25 and younger which makes it hard for me to relate.

This had left me feeling super lonely and a bit crazy.

Imagine being with your child 24/7 every single day for 4 months and not getting a break. Yeah that wears on you. I love my child and all but oh good Lord it is quite something. Jon and I in those 4 months have had only 2 dates and a few hours where he got to go out of our apartment with us. So I am pretty much on my own out here.

My only haven is the fact the we go down to his families on the weekends and I get to actually talk to adults and they talk back to me and care about what I have to say, if it weren't for that I would be completely insane by now.

I think I was spoiled in my little Utah bubble that I had created and I know that it took me a long time to create so that could happen here but I had my family close by, my cousin who is also my best friend just a few minutes away. I had really good friends just a few blocks away and good neighbors that liked me and talked to me. If I was ever in need of anything I just send a text and within minutes someone was at my house, I miss that so much.

I miss Bentley having friends to play with on a weekly sometimes daily basis, I miss my mom coming over to clean and cook for me, I miss getting hugs from her, I miss my brothers coming over all the time for me to feed them or for a chat or to sleep over and play with Bentley, I miss knowing where everything is, I kinda miss hearing the cows and dogs barking at night, I just really miss a lot but that is no longer my life and so I need to move on but some days are hard being out here on our own with no one to talk to.

The hardest part of law school so far has been feeling lonely.

Well with that said I am hoping next semester will improve for Bentley and I. Maybe by the grace of God we can find some friends here or something.

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