Thursday, June 23, 2011

The pool will make me forget

Gosh I must be confused because for some crazy reason I thought that as a parent you are supposed to protect your children as much as you possibly can.

How is it that both of my parents fail miserably? My mother asked me if she was such a horrible mother, I told her she was considering she couldn't even protect us from the most evil person. Of course that hurt her feelings but at this point I don't really care since no one ever worried about my feelings or my siblings.

Even with everything that happened in my life for some crazy reason I always thought my mother would have my back. Oh boy....was I wrong. Why would I ever think that since she didn't even have my back when I was a child.

I feel so hurt right now. I have shed many tears of losing my mother because that is really what has happened here. The part that probably hurts the most is that she doesn't really even care.

Tuesday was a really bad day for me, I was just feeling really betrayed. I sit here and think about all the people I know who have amazing relationships with their parents or at least their mother and how badly I want that but yet will never have it.

I cried at the supermarket parking lot for about 30 minutes since I didn't have Baby with me. When I got home I had hoped I was done with the crying cause I don't want Baby to see me so upset all the time but the flood gates opened up again. I know right now I do not know why this happened to me but I hope I can find out soon. My husband didn't even know what to do or say but he just held me in his arms which was so comforting while Baby is wiping my tears, kissing me and telling me he loves me.

Thank goodness shortly after that my MIL and SIL got here for a fun day at the pool. I needed that distraction so I am now thinking we will have to be at the pool every day so that I am not thinking about things. We had a good time and Baby loves seeing and playing with his favorite cousin.

No comments: