Making sense

For years I worried so much about what my parents thought of me.

I would do things behind their back and make sure to cover it all up so that they could never find out cause I didn't want to disappoint them. My gosh I should have done it all in the open that way I could have embarrassed them.

I now know that when I ran away from home, more than anything I was screaming for help. I think in a way I wanted the police to take me. I even remember thinking while on the run that if the police came for me I would tell them my father beats me. Silly me, I actually thought the police would find me before my parents. Of course not. God forbid the police did because then everyone would know. The only people that knew I ran away from home were maybe 5 people and that was the parents of the girl a ran away with and my best friends parents.

Or how about me going out drinking because I couldn't handle any more what was going on at home. I didn't even start that until after I was 19 years old. I think by that point I just could no longer handle what I was going thru on a daily basis. No wonder I also had 2 jobs at that time. I would leave the house at 5:30am and would not come home until after 12:30am. I wanted nothing to do with those people.

Also me doing all the stuff I did with guys. That was me trying to find love from a man. I clearly did not have that at home. The need for me to have a man by my side at all times. Goodness it is all making sense to me.

Please parents do not touch your precious children. They are too precious to lose. Look at what this has done to me. Thank goodness I was able to find an amazing man who did not grow up watching things like this or thinking they were okay. Take care of your babies. There are better ways to discipline than beating. Beatings do not work. They just make the child afraid of the parents and it grows hatred and emotional issues.