Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Talk with my mother

On Sunday my mother came over to see Baby. However I had different plans since that day I had found out from someone in Costa Rica that supposedly my mother had told a family member in Costa Rica that I was exaggerating this whole situation with my father. I was beyond upset. I was so hurt that my mother would say something like that.

I confronted her about it and she denies having said anything like that to anyone in Costa Rica. To tell you the truth I kinda don't believe her since during the same conversation she lied about a few things to me that I know for a fact happened.

My mother however has realized the mistake she made in not defending us as children and allowing this behavior to go on for so many years. Sunday she broke down crying because she feels so horrible about what has happened and she told me that she feels responsible for what has happened. She also apologized for allowing this to have happened in my life. For the first time since this type of thing started happening in my life I felt like my mother was truly sorry for allowing this to happen to us.

I did let her know that it's going to take some time for me to be able to forgive her for her part in all of this but that I do know that with help of my Heavenly Father I will be able to forgive her. Once that has happened I can start to work and try to rebuilt a relationship with her at that point.

I know she wants me to forgive my father because she let me know but I told her that it will probably take months to years for me to be able to forgive him and that just because I forgive him does not mean I have to have a relationship with him because as an adult now I actually get to choose who I have in my life and he has made it very clear that he is a toxic person that I should not have in my life. Of course my mother get emotional when I say this but not my problem, really.

I can tell that my mother in her own way is really trying to fix the damage that has been done. She called my sister and I and invited to take us out to lunch on Saturday. When I heard her say that I was all like "Whaaat?" This has never in my 27 years of being in this family happened. I have taken my mother out to lunch but that was all my own doing. My mother has never on her own doing asked to take us out. It really is sweet of her to do and think of.

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