Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The positive side of things

I am trying to look at the positive in this whole situation.

You know just to make myself feel better about what has happened in my life.

There has to be a reason why I had to go thru all of this or at least I would like to believe that. I know years from now I will look back and realize what good things came out of this but for now I'll just name a few things that have happened that I keep telling myself are good things that have come out of this.

The one thing that having to go through this in my life has made me realize is that first I have an anger problem just like my father that I truly need help with but until I can get the help I have to work really hard every single day to fight that side of me. Growing up I was a really angry person. I remember I was the angriest between 18-21, I feel bad for those people that had to witness me during that period of my life. I really unleashed on anyone and everyone. I wanted to fight everyone for some crazy reason. Once I met and married my husband I do no know what changed or happened maybe I realized to keep him around I actually needed to control myself a bit and I probably was a little more mature and happier than I had ever been. My anger started to go away little by little. I still have a lot of work but I know that with the Lords help I can do it.

Second that I do not want to be like my father in any way. I want Baby to remember me as a loving mother who he can trust and depend on and feel safe with. I am making sure that this boy will never know what being spanked or punished physically will feel like. I am also making sure that he is never emotionally or verbally abused. I will tell him every day of his life how much he means to me and how awesome he truly is. I do not see anything wrong with your child thinking he rocks!

When I started to talk about this publicly I had such an amazing response from unexpected people. There were tons of people messaging me letting me know that they had gone through the same thing as I had. It still shocks me that so many people go through this. I had people calling and texting me asking how I was doing almost on a daily basis.

I know now that I have gained some pretty awesome friends who I am sure I will keep in my life forever.

For a long time I was having a hard time feeling like I didn't have friends and it really made me sad. I prayed a lot to my Heavenly Father about this and now through this whole thing I have made some pretty good friends. Funny how things work. These people actually get me because most of them have been through similar things.

I also think my relationship with my husband is stronger than ever. He has been such an amazing support system for me and has just been so sweet with listening to me and letting me cry it out. His family especially his mom has been super sweet with me and has made me feel so loved.

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