Saturday, November 7, 2009

Our choices can effect others

Its funny how so many people always say that their choices do not effect anyone else but yourself but in the end they really do effect so many people.

My husband yesterday said to me something really sad, he said "I hate my life" and it really made me upset because no matter what happens in life I do not hate my life. This morning however he told me that he doesn't hate his life but that he hates the situation that his parents, my parents and we find ourselves in right now. So I said to him that yeah its really sad but that they and we are in these situations because of choices we have made along the way.

This is our story...almost 2 years ago my husband made a choice to start a business with his sister. In part I think he really thought that this business was going to be really successful but also in part he felt bad for his sister and the situation that she found herself in after spending tons of money on equipment for a store and he knew that if he did not help her out that there would be a ton of money that his parents and sister would lose. So we went ahead with the plan, him and his sister opened up a pizza restaurant, it went really well for almost a year we were even able to open up one more store. Lately, however, they have been doing not too hot and it worries me so much. When they first opened the store they thought that they would be making a crap load of money which never sounded right to me but hey who am I to crash someone's dream but I always thought that no business is going to be making that much money from the get go. Now that its not doing as good as expected its kind of sad because we have basically put all of our eggs into one basket. I know that my husband is super stressed, I am super stressed and I probably don't help the situation cause I nag too much. Now his parents are in a horrible situation and need to move in with us. I have already lived with them for 6 months and it was not pretty to say the least. I don't know how they don't hate me right now or maybe they do, who knows. It's really hard when you grew up one way with my mom cleaning every day and everything being super organize and even though I am not the cleanest person alive or the most organized I do try and when there is something out of place it bugs me, then its hard to live with people who are opposite than you.

You know what bugs me about this whole situation is that we have been here before almost a year ago his parents were in the same situation and it was horrible. Things were said and then the extended family got involved and things were said to my husband that were hurtful and no one defended my husband. I think that hurt me more than anything else, especially now that I am a mother, my child comes before my siblings no doubt about it. Ever since then its like they all think my husband is out to hurt his parents or something crazy like that. I really don't know what is told to them because if they really saw what he did on a daily basis they would know who the one without a heart really is. It makes me really sad. Just thinking about that and what it was like a year ago and then knowing that its happening again it just makes me want to have a nervous break down. I will have to be doing a lot of praying I know that for sure.

You know the person who said that their decisions don't effect anyone has really effected the life of my in-laws in a horrible horrible way and hence the fact they are in the situation they are. Also because of that choice that one person made my husband and I also find ourselves in a hard place while that person is off being fine, life will be fine for them but for us we don't know. We are struggling and this sucks. I get so angry sometimes. Right before I go to bed I start thinking about things and I get so angry I start shaking and just wanting to hit something. I wish I would have said somethings at times. I wish things were different. I wish my husband was still in school he would be one month away from graduating. I wish a lot of things. I guess wishing doesn't help the situation. Thank goodness I have the baby to keep me occupied cause I would really drive myself crazy.

I hope this time around with having his parents live with us that things will be different. That the extended family will not be told everything and that my husband does not get nasty emails because this time around I WILL NOT stand for it even if it causes issues. I will make sure that they have a reason to never ever want to talk to me.

THINGS I LEARNED FROM ALL OF THIS:

-listen to the prophet and don't get into debt
-have a savings for a rainy day because they do come and happen even to rich people
-NEVER by any means start a business with a family member (worst mistake a human being can make)
-don't ever let anyone help you out financially even if it means you cannot have the nice clothes or cars, it will come back and bite you
-be careful on your decisions they do effect just more than just yourself
-always have a plan B in case plan A tanks
-have faith in God that's all you really can do

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I totally get you on all of the above! I've lived with my in-laws (I love them to death, but I don't think I ever want to do that again!) and the whole going into business with family, that's never a good thing! I hope everything works out for the best! I hope that things go better this time around. The same thing happened to my dad where he's the one that does everything he can to help his family but he's the one that everyone talks badly about. It hurts to see families act that way and I understand what you guys are going through and I'm always here if you need someone to talk to or just vent! Good luck with everything!