Life

Life is hard sometimes.

We have had some rough couple of days where mental break downs have been a common thing. A lot of tears shed. A lot of wishing thing were different but they aren't.

Jon's sweet grandpa died. What a special man he was. He had the same kind of love Jesus had for human kind. A man who dedicated his life to serving others. Wish I could have known him in his prime.

On our way to the funeral we got some horrible news about our business which we kinda knew was coming we were just hoping not so soon. Then my sister, who has been watching Mookie for me found a job so I am left with no babysitter and no money to pay one.

That's when I could no longer take any more. My dear husband is due to take the most important test of his life next Saturday and should not be worrying about anything as stress can and will make it difficult to study and score high enough.

I know that things will work out eventually but in the moment I feel like my world is crashing down and nothing I can do about it.

In the process I am trying to keep it together as much as possible in front of my sweet boy as I don't want him to see me worried or sad.

I am hoping a just a little bit of a better week coming up and hopefully my husband can score high enough on the LSAT. Fingers crossed.

Clean eating update

We are doing pretty good and amazingly enough my food bill has gone down which is the total opposite of what I expected to have happen.

We haven't been drinking any juice or soda only milk and water. Having while wheat bread made by me, tons of fruits and veggies on my part Mookie however will not touch a veggie only fruit which I'll take as long as he is eating something healthy.

Giving up candy for Mookie was kinda funny, it was like watching an addict no joke. One day we were at a parking lot and he saw a piece of candy on the ground ways away and that child ran so fast to get that piece of candy it was hilarious. He has also searched our pantry inside out looking for candy. It's safe to say thought that he no longer looks for candy but chocolate is another story. He can't give it up so we have compromised that he can have nutella only if he eats it with fruit or a slice of whole wheat bread and if he has been an extremely good boy he can have a truffle or a cookie that has chocolate chips along with oatmeal and peanut butter. I have tricked him into thinking its not healthy by adding the chocolate chips.

All in all it's continuing to go pretty good. I find myself cooking more often and we also now pack our own lunches with left overs.

Happy happy

Was going to write a depressing post and had it half way written then I went outside to play with Mookie and saw a mother with her child who had some type of disability and could barely walk and that completely changed my outlook for the day.

It's so much easier to complain and see the negative. However how lucky am I that I have a healthy little boy who can play, run, scream and drive me nuts. Some people don't have that and wish they could.

I need to start being more grateful and instead of looking at the negative only look at the positive.

We had a great day as a family. We all went to work together and got a lot of our budgeting done for the next week. Then came home took Mookie on a bike ride then played "tag you're it" for a long time, that got him so tired he begged me to let him come home. We stopped by our older neighbors to check and see how they were doing. Then came home, Mookie snuggled in with his papa and watched some show while I prepped for tomorrows dinner and packed our lunches.

I know my life isn't perfect but I truly do love what we've got going on.

Children

Everyone around me has either just had a baby, is pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I guess that's what you get for living in Utah. We get asked constantly when we are having another one which bugs me a whole lot.

When my husband and I got married we were practicing LDS so I figured we would have at least 3-4 children as that's what's the norm in the religion. I mean after all you are suppose to multiply and replenish the earth. We waited longer than normal to get pregnant and it took a whole lot to convince my husband and even when it happened I didn't have him convince it just happened, you know. I am so glad it did cause my life has been forever changed for the better.

However now that my son is getting older and understanding more he will say he wants a sibling, sometimes. I know that physically I am ready for another one and somedays mentally I too however I know that financially that would be the most irresponsible thing we could do as our business is not doing so hot and we are in the process of working on our plan B.

Even if we were financially stable though I am starting to get the feeling that my husband might actually not want to have any more. Anytime I bring it up and ask when we might be able to try again I get the feeling I am told whatever just to hush me up and that's it. He has told me before that he would be perfectly fine with just our Mookie.

Ever since I married him I have wanted more than one child. I don't want a big family cause I don't think I could handle that mentally but maybe 2 or 3. Now the older we get and the more we talk about it, it just seems like it might just not happen. What I am to do? Absolutely nothing.....like I said to him yesterday, I guess it is whatever he wants since he will be the main provider and I need him on board in order to make one, you know.

I wish I could just feel contend with just one child. Maybe once I get out of Utah I won't feel such a great need for more. I sure am glad though that I have and continue to spoil this child more now than ever. If he is my only one I can at least say I did my very best. I will just have to up my craziness with Mookie and make everyday that more special since who knows I might not get to experience this age with any other child.

Children at playground

First off, I never have or will claim to me the best mother or close to it. I am falling really short in that department. I also do not claim to have the best behaved child because he isn't. With that said, I am highly shocked at how bad some parents suck at being parents. Children learn from us parents. We are their number 1 teachers. I can tell how a parent is just by seeing how their child behaves. I know that's not always the case but for the majority of the time it is. For example if you see Mookie you can tell that I am a screamer. Honestly I need to change that but it's so hard. I am working on it. The other day I decide to take Mookie to the mall while my husband and brother walk around trying to find something. At first there was only 2 little girls and they were more than happy to play with Mookie. Then out of no where some little 2 year old boy shows up. From where I was sitting I could not see his parents so at first I was wondering who was watching this kid. Very quickly the boy started hitting one of the girls. She thought he was my son and came to tell me and that's when I got up to see if his parents were watching, which they weren't. They were on their phones. Which by the way I also do, however I try to look up every now and then and I know exactly where my child is at all times. Maybe I've got a talent, who knows. Mookies starts playing with some toys they have on the walls and this little boy comes up and pushes Mookie. I was very confused at first as this kid is way younger and shorter but my boy is just too sweet and wants to be friends with everyone. Mookie leaves and goes to another toy and the boy follows and does the same thing. I'm starting to get a little upset but I am trying not to fight Mookie's battles. I calming walked up to Mookie and told him to get away from this boy cause he was being naughty and to not let this little boy push him around and to stand up for himself. Mookie listened and stayed away. Some other older boys like 5 and 6 showed up and immediately the bully kid started punching them, smacking them, pulling hair. I was starting to get heated that this little boys parents weren't doing anything as kids are yelling at him to stop. So I left to go get dinner. An hour later I come back and they were still there but I had told Mookie we could go and play before heading home to go to bed. I now see his dad is laying on the floor with his tablet turned the opposite way of where the kids play the mom is still looking at her phone. Mookie starts to play with some other little boy that was there and everything was fine for about 10 minutes and then the kid starts hitting Mookie. I went up to him and told him not to touch my son. He stayed away for a minute then Mookie gets in a boat and this child run over to Mookie started spitting at him, hitting him and then poking his eyes. I lost my damn mind. No joke. I ran up so fast to the little boy screaming as loud as I could to stop and I told him he better never again lay a finger on my child. I then really loudly told Mookie. If I see this boy lay one more finger on you I better see you throwing punches in his direction. Well that finally got the kids parents attention so they called him over and the dad started to beat him. Wow......that explained it all. He was just mimicking what daddy does. I was so pissed at this parents it took everything in my power not to say something. Ok so what happened to teaching your children to be nice to other kids? What do people teach their kids now days? I was shocked. My husband however was probably embarrassed. He told me he has never seem me so angry and get up so fast and that saying a lot considering I have a short temper. Don't mess with my boy and you will be fine but you mess with him and mama bear comes out.

Giving up HFCS

In the process of trying to get Mookie to eat better I have started looking at the ingredients of everything I buy for him. Holy cow was I shocked. So many things I couldn't pronounce.

I came across something's that we're said about high fructose corn syrup and decided that was something that needed to go immediately. Why I haven't done this sooner is beyond my but better late than never.

I want to try and feed my family more healthy things and stop eating so much processed food.

I have been eating a pretty clean diet myself for the last few weeks and have felt pretty amazing. Barely any floating, no stomach pains and just in a better mood all around. On Thursday I was on my way to Salt Lake County and stopped by In and Out for a cheese burger cause lets be real that sounds super yummy. However almost immediately after eating it I got a massive headache, I was bloated and my stomach hurt pretty bad. Later that night after my massive headache which might have been a migraine cause I had never felt a headache more painful than that I started to think to myself that I just cannot eat that junk anymore. It's not worth the pain.

For the first time in my life I went shopping for some organic food, which is pricier than other stuff but so worth it. I have talked about doing this before and my husband just looked at me like I was crazy but this time it's been different he is totally on board.

It has been hard getting Mookie off sugar and sodas. I learned that if I get him a Jones soda which uses cane sugar he doesn't drink as much and one bottle will last a few days. Same thin with organic cookies, he has one and then won't ask for another for a few days. I am now making my own bread since the bread you buy at the market it filled with preservatives and HFCS plus my bread taste yummier.

Let's see how this week goes with our eating. I hope to not eat out one single time lets see if I can do it.